Based on her mastery of metaphor, @claireheath must be a writer. Or simile. Which is which again?
Have such a volcanically deep zit laying roots in my chin that it feels like someone hit me with a right cross.
claire heath
claireheath
How to know your friend is ready to start dating again, courtesy of @choc_milk.
My bff is finally over her ex. I know this because it’s been months since I’ve heard a rant involving his small penis.
choc_milk
choc_milk
Deanna had a special to-do list on her birthday. She has to get it all done before her party!
Some people post life’s little everyday annoyances to Twitter. Like @edcetera.
Stupid yearning in my loins.
Ed Cetera
edcetera
Warning: No matter how hot it gets, avoid pools in Burnsville, MN. At least until @WHACKtackular give the OK.
I hate when I wake up to go poop AND puke. Pffff. I also lost my plug and it could be in a pool in burnsville. 
Michelle
WHACKtackular
Thanks to our submitter: Linda!
Posted: July 14th, 2010 | No Comments »A careful experiment yielded a fancy discovery. (What, no pics?)
Home is where the heart is. Or where you hang your hat. But for @echoz …
You know you are back home when you don’t have to brace yourself before sitting on the toilet bowl. And perspiring whilst taking a dump.
Jeremy Foo
echoz
A special ‘Happy Summer’ overshare from @PrincessBeanDip!
Too hot outside to wear panties while I walk the dog
Brandi Ortiz
PrincessBeanDip
Either @joxiclepopsicle burps very loud or on a frequency only dogs can hear.
I just burped loud enough that the dogs downstairs started barking.
Godzilla Potts
joxiclepopsicle
