Really, really more than you want to know.

Now THAT is some thorough hygiene, @sotaboy24!

F.R.E.S.H. outta the shower...feeling good from my chest pubes to my ball fro!!

But did you wash your feet?

Posted: May 18th, 2009 | 2 Comments »

Hey, @kimproper, your boyfriend sounds like a real swine (flu)!

Ahhh, nothing like waking up with a pile of extra-soft, snotty TP pieces cuddling you & the roll nestling into your armpit. Who needs a man?

Please be sure to wash your hands for at least 30 seconds after reading @kimproper‘s twitter.

Posted: May 15th, 2009 | 2 Comments »

Dating advice, courtesy of @KatyDidSays

As a general rule, the arguement that your previous girlfriend loved anal is not convincing enough to get your current girlfriend to try it.

Oversharers seem to be full of good relationship advice.

Posted: May 14th, 2009 | 2 Comments »

Don’t they usually christen ships by breaking a bottle of champagne on the hull?

After years and years of lacking a name for my penis, ladies, I present to you - Battleship Potemkin!

Bon voyage, Battleship Potemkin!

Posted: May 13th, 2009 | No Comments »

Our friend @Lindsee starts the day with the Breakfast of Champions!

Couple'a bong hoots and jump in the shower. Off to worky-poo!

Where do you suppose @Lindsee works? Airline pilot? Neurosurgeon?

Posted: May 12th, 2009 | No Comments »

Did @andrewpaulhill take this opportunity to blame it on a skunk?

Missy turns to me in the car while driving home tonight and says, "Did you run over a skunk or do you just stink?"

I don’t know, Missy… Sometimes it is she who dealt it.

Posted: May 11th, 2009 | 2 Comments »

We are proud to announce the Mother of the Year: @dnagai!

Just caught my son's vomit to keep it off the carpet at the swim center. Not a drop hit the floor.

Diana: For your phenomenal vomit-catching superpowers, we salute you! We’d love to hear the rest of the story.

Happy Mother’s Day from all of us here at!

Posted: May 10th, 2009 | 7 Comments »

You know what would be REALLY weird? If the letters formed the face of the Virgin Mary.

It looks like Alphabet Soup vomit to me.

Posted: May 8th, 2009 | 2 Comments »

I think that is a matter of opinion, @claychampagne.

Armpit hair is way grosser than pubic hair!

Posted: May 7th, 2009 | 8 Comments »

Fewer people would notice the dog barf if you didn’t Twitter about it!

Why doesn't the dog barf on a part of the carpet that is not so damn visible?

Posted: May 6th, 2009 | 4 Comments »
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